I am not sure if you knew that Astrid, my assistant for eleven years was, my mother.
She fell walking the dogs early on March 9, 2018. (She was up at 4 am and walking at 5 am always). Upon return she had a black eye, but she told me how many fingers I held up- she told me her name, our address, the date, and other facts. She refused to go to the doctor when I insisted. This was her life policy. She believed in eating broccoli and staying out of the doctor’s office even though I had insurance for her.
Later in the morning she began to speak nonsense and I called 911. A CT scan revealed extensive bleeding on the left side of the brain. She had emergency brain surgery and the next day the neurologist told Anouk, my then sixteen year-old, and I that if she lived, she would have to breath and eat through a tube, would have no sight, memory or speech and have paralysis on the right side.
Her brother, sister-in-law, my cousins, my children and I decided that Saturday that Astrid would hate such a life. On Monday March 12, 2018 we made the decision to withdraw life support. Mom breathed on her own for 25 hours, nine of which I was at her bedside. She died at 12:55 on March 13.
She left, and continues to leave, two major holes in my life. We walked dogs daily. We ate together nightly by candlelight and we were friends and housemates. She was also my assistant. Mom’s position in my life is irreplaceable. .
I have remained working without interruption. My mom would have said, "Tristan, you must carry on." In fact I hear her say that to me each day - In love and respect.
Earl Spencer made a speech at Diana’s funeral which I have adjusted a little here, but it seems appropriate: "I would like to end by thanking God for the small mercies He has shown us at this dreadful time. For taking Astrid at her most beautiful and radiant and when she had joy in her private life. Above all we give thanks for the life of a woman I am so proud to be able to call my mother, the unique, the complex, the extraordinary and irreplaceable Astrid whose beauty, both internal and external, will never be extinguished from our minds." I love you.
FAMILY COURTS IN VENTURA COUNTY
The Hall of Justice in Ventura has five family law departments, Departments 31, 32, 33, 34 and 35. The East County Courthouse in Simi Valley no longer provides court services and Department S2 has relocated to Department 35. The Hall of Justice hears all family law cases except for adoptions, guardianships (probate) and juvenile (dependency) cases which are heard in Departments J1, J2 and J5 in the Juvenile Courthouse on Vineyard Avenue in Oxnard.
We help clients in family law cases. Completing a family law case can be complex and expensive if the case is contested. This is particularly true of custody disputes and complex property issues. In contentious or indecisive custody battles, if mediation alone is insufficient, the courts could refer the case to psychologists for a custody evaluation (MMPI and Rorschach tests are common). Attorneys also avidly seek help from forensic accountants, actuaries, appraisers and therapists. It is possible to use private mediation for custody cases, and to conduct trials out of the courtroom. 'ADR' or alternative dispute resolution has a strong following, and many good retired judges make themselves available. Cases should be worked out with care and attention. Settlement discussions may take as much work as preparing for a court hearing, but a party to a settlement is in more control of the outcome.
Mediation and other options to litigation
Philosophically, a strong argument in favor of working out disputes. Firstly, you are in control of the outcome. Secondly, it preserves dignity. Thirdly, you are not putting your future into the hands of another. Hence over the years Tristan has also developed a mediation practice. What value can be placed on swift resolution as opposed to being embroiled in a family law matter for a year, even two, or more? Ventura County continues to provide a facilitator who assists self-represented individuals and also has a referral program assisting litigants searching for a lawyer through the local bar association (Ventura County Bar Association LRIS) and may be reached at (805) 650-7599. Hopefully this site will provide some understanding to the different aspects of family law when many are fraught with complexity - you only have to read the cases to see that. Family law is seldom simple but it is creative and the law does help build families and structure.